Am I Good Enough Now

Kristopher Daniel Pinnell

There are songs you write because they sound good. Then there are songs you write because you need the answer yourself. This was one of those songs. When I wrote it, I was asking a question that I think many of us ask at Read more

There are songs you write because they sound good. Then there are songs you write because you need the answer yourself. This was one of those songs. When I wrote it, I was asking a question that I think many of us ask at some point in our lives: "Am I good enough?" Am I good enough to recover? Am I good enough to be loved? Am I good enough to be forgiven? Am I good enough to keep trying? For a long time, I wasn't sure what the answer was. So I wrote the question into a song. Then, by the final verse, I realized something. The answer wasn't going to come from somebody else. It had to come from me. For years I looked outside myself for validation. I wanted someone else to tell me I was enough. Today, I don't need that in the same way anymore. This song helped me find something I had been looking for all along. More recently, while I was in stabilization treatment, something happened that I'll never forget. Earlier that day, one of the staff members overheard one of my songs playing and asked who the artist was. When I told them it was me, they were surprised. Later that evening, someone came running into the room. "Kristopher, you've got to come. They're playing your song." I walked in, and one of the team leaders had decided to play it for the entire group. In a room full of people trying to rebuild their lives, the message suddenly wasn't just mine anymore. It belonged to everyone who had ever wondered if they were good enough. That moment reminded me why I write. I don't write songs simply to collect streams. I write because sometimes a song can say something another person desperately needs to hear. If my music can help one person feel a little less alone... If it helps someone ask for help... If it reminds someone that recovery is possible... Then every hour spent writing was worth it. My music has always been about faith. Hope. Healing. Understanding. And helping remove the stigma surrounding addiction. Because addiction is a disease. Like many diseases, it can take lives. The difference is that too many people suffer in silence because they're afraid of the shame attached to it. If my songs can help remove even a little of that shame... Then they've already done more than I could have hoped for. ⎯ Kristopher Daniel Pinnell

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